Thursday, May 21, 2015

We Be Trippin...

You guys..let's talk about how much work it is to get ready for a vacation shall we? The hubs and I are leaving in a bit for the magical land of you hate me a little bit now ;) 

This vacay has been in the works for a few years now and I literally can't believe that it is now just weeks away. 

But phew..I'm exhausted already. I mean the vanity alone is enough to kill me off let alone the kid/babysitting preparation.

Let's first talk about how I have clearly decided that I am extremely low maintenance in the beauty department which I'm finding out might be somewhere that I need to up my game. 

* The tanning appointments (don't judge..remember my motto..tan cottage cheese is better than white cottage cheese) and since I didn't loose the 10 lbs I just knew I would..I'm resorting to faking my thinness.

* It Works..that's right guys..I got suckered (and by suckered..I mean I totally want to believe that basically a big, lotioned bandaid will make me magically thinner) into trying these. And let me just paint you a picture as I sat watching the Bachelorette last night with a saran wrap mini skirt and leggings whilst sweating to death and trying to figure out how I was gonna pee. Bless my husbands heart for still loving me ;) I'll let you know my official consensus on these when I have finished my last two wraps...pray for me...

*, while I won't be sporting these on our trip for obvious water/swimming reasons, my "daughter" ;) AKA my gym buddy and awesome neighbor insisted on putting these on me the other was an ah-ha moment..especially when the hubs told me to hop in the tub with him and to leave my make-up on ;) So off to the store I went to get some DIY lashes. Consider my game up-ed.

* Waxing... I talked my sisters into going to "Brazil" (wink..wink) with me right before the trip. I mean..ain't nobody got time for razors, red bumps and stray hairs to worry about while living in a swimsuit for an entire week. 

* Pedicures...pretty toes are obviously a must for beaches and sandy destination..I mean I feel like it's practically a law or something.

And to top off all that, I am planning babysitting coordination for 5 kids, baseball schedules, girls' camp, meals, adding an international phone plan, pawning off church responsibilities, and oh ya..we finally got around to making our will and Estate plans official. 

And as big of a headache all the planning and preparation is, I know it will all be worth it when I get to look at views like this.. you're back to hating me again huh ;)

So cheers to Summer time and Vacation time and trips like this..that make us think we can come back and be parents for another 15 years before something of this magnitude ever happens again!


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Two Dang Much...

Ok Listen, maybe you’re a grown up and you don’t waste your time with trash television… but maturity-wise… you’re currently having a one-sided conversation in Cyberspace with a bonafide teenie bopper.  I apologize, but then again you already knew that if you’ve visited this space before. 

So what did I spend my time doing last night?  What every great immature adult in America was doing… watching the Bachelorette!  And you guys… TWO women and a crop of men who will ultimately choose the Bachelorette?  Ruh-Ro.

So when Chris Harrison walked out onscreen and said something totally lame like, “Will this be awkward and a bit uncomfortable?  You bet.”  I literally had a little hot chocolate burst out my nose. 
Anyway… here’s where I’m at with all this.  I’m team Kaitlyn.  Because duh.  She’s hilarious and gorgeous and has that awesome self-depricating/crude humor that I admire in people.   But I also kind of want to stop watching ABC altogether for pulling this kind of shenanigan EXCEPT it’s so bad it might be good?

Seriously when the gents “pulled up in the limos” they didn’t even have direction as to where to go, who to greet first, if they should greet both ladies…  and then once they did make a move, the “other girl” could hear the entire conversation their counterpart was having and it was SO tangibly uncomfy.

Literally mid-cocktail party, Chris -Doomsday- Harrison says, "I know you're having a lovely evening with two Bachelorettes, but there is about to be only one.  The 'voting room' is now open, so feel free to go cast your votes whenever you're ready."

To add some extra spice to the flava-flav… we have ourselves the season's drunk dude making his appearance on premiere night, the spiritual healer, the single dads, the "second chance at life" bro… You know… the gang's all here!  :)  Sure, I'm stereotyping right now… but it is "first impression rose" night… so this stuff is allowed.

And finally, the highlight of the night for me was watching the men vote… they had to "put a rose in the girls' boxes".  You GUYS!  Obviously that sounds completely sexual even though it's not.  I actually heard the line, "I'm all about energy, so I decided to put my rose in Brit's box." Bwahahaha.

Of course we won't find out whose box got the most roses until tomorrow night, which leaves you time to join me on my teenie bopper journey of mayhem and love!
Duuuude - it's gonna be a good one.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Nailed it...

The whole nail industry has gone through a major burst of innovation in the last 6 months or so..I mean how many Jamberry parties have you all been invited to. Am I right?

And usually I'm a bandwagon member but then I looked at the price of those nail decals and Hello..sticker shock. No way was my cheap a$$ spending that kind of money just to make my nails pretty for a week.

So being the bargain hunter that I am..and darn proud of it ;) I found these gems at my local Dollar Tree and made the big purchase. I bought them back around Christmas time and just now got around to trying them out. 


Super easy to it took me maybe 10 minutes and guys...I've never had so many compliments on my ever!! 

And the best part was that they stayed on for an entire week..and would've been good for longer except I have a picking problem. No nail polish I have can do that..and don't tell me that your $8-$10 a bottle polish will.. because I will not buy it..refer back to the 
"I'm a cheap-o" in paragraph one.

And Yes..I'm fully aware I have man hands..which is all the more reason for me to try and make them as feminine as possible...and Yes I am watching The Kardashians in the background #guiltypleasure #sueme

Only one dilemma..I waited so long to try these out (and clearly everyone else figured out how amaze these were long ago) that the Dollar Store doesn't carry them least the Essie brand. And my local store has nada..I've checked periodically so all you locals are welcome..don't waste an errand. So I've resorted to checking other Dollar Stores when I'm out of town and have found another brand. Haven't tried them yet but am crossing my fingers that they are equally as stellar. I'll let you know.


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Werkin' It Insta...

Lately, I've been putting Instagram to great practical use.  
For example, the other day I had a little "disagreement" with the mister and instead of talking it out, we sucked it up and went our separate ways for a "cooling off" period.  Please tell me we're not the only incredibly mature folks that revert to silence and space sometimes, instead of conversing like adults.  Anywho, this little gem came across my feed.
So immediately I sent it to him.
I held my breath.
I mean - that was a risky move, am I right?
I got a reply...
An "LOL" complete with the laughing so hard I'm crying emoji.
We made up, y'all.

I've been working out a couple of days a week at the track with ma sista these past few weeks.  It sucks.  I mean, really really sucks.  Have you ever run sprints at the high school track, while your kids pee off the top of the bleachers and the boys high school soccer team is practicing?  I like to think that they all see us and just automatically assign us, "MILF Status" - Fo Sho.
But in all honesty... this comes to mind...
The other day I went to Walgreens.  For bobby pins.  For the 87th time in my life.  What are there like 80 bobby pins per package?  Yeah...
 I was also looking for these little babies. My boys' soccer team is "The Minions" and I swear on my life, if I do nothing else this spring, I'm gonna get a box of these bad boys for them & their little soccer teammates.  Think of my status then, eh?  High school soccer player boys be damned... I'll have the entire army of 5-year-olds on my side.  BOO-YAH!
My family - whelp - we're the reigning Olympic Gold Medalists in group texting.  We text about everything... most recently it was the Kentucky Derby, because where there's a bet to be placed, there's my family.  Anywho... the trash talking was EPIC.  And then the victory banter went on for DAYS.  And then I saw this bad boy and I immediately sent it out to my groupies.
You know when you're being all "dedicated to healthy eating" and suddenly all you crave is donuts and gas-station nachos?  Oh Yes YOU DO!  Anyway, there I sat, eating baby carrots and cottage cheese like a sad super model, and Insta came through again with impeccable timing and taste:
Finally, I found this little number and I saved it to the old camera reel for a time I knew it would come in handy.  Sure enough, the hubs was bogged down with some client issues out of town and just wasn't feeling his chipper self.  I sent this out through the universe to him with a kiss emoji and BAM... I'm like a medicine woman, you know?
But really, if anyone wants to follow through on that... I'm your gal.
Love y'all.  Let's kill this week!

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Oh No She Di-nt....

It's every girls nightmare. 

Looking older than you actually are.

 And up until three days ago, I had been lucky enough throughout my life to avoid this mortifying situation. 

Here's how it went down...

My gym added a new morning class this week. Zumba! I know..I know...maybe that is what got the ball rolling with this whole thing..what with me thinking I could shake what my mama gave me and that my hips don't lie. But I was in need of a change and thought this might be the perfect thing.

So I pitched my fab idea to my gym buddy (who bytheway is the exact same age as fact..she's like a week older than you see where this is headed;) and we were good to go.

I picked her up and we arrived to the gym..only to find out that we were the only two who showed up to the new class..apparently word hadn't gotten out or they were smart enough to NOT shimmie, salsa or pretend to be of some sort of Latin origin.

But we aren't two girls to back down so we mustered up every ounce of Samba in us and got ready to go. And while we waited for  the class to start and for a few more people to hopefully show up (which didn't happen)..our Zumba instructor (aka some really-in-shape-all-done-up-teeny-bopper) started making small talk with us..when out of her she was talking directly to me while pointing to my partner in crime..came

"So is this your daughter?"

And don't know how much time passed before I could pick my jaw up off the floor and respond with something other than blubbering gibberish. I was mortified. Like.. beyond. 

Angie came to the rescue with a quick "nope..just friends" and then we started the class. Which I wasn't stellar at to begin with but instead of focusing my energy and thoughts on hip shaking and footwork, the only things on my mind were wrinkles, sunspots and my impending doom for my Depend wearing days.

And I'm not blaming her entirely..I mean I was wearing glasses and no make-up plus a mickey-mouse T-shirt from my Disneyland days (which in my defense was a stylish one..Bible it was) So I clearly wasn't helping the cause...but "my daughter"?????

Now if you'll excuse me.. I'm off to up my "A" game.... botox, a chemical peel, hair highlights, and a spray tan ;)


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Have a Swig...

You local folks have heard of Swig, right?  Well for those of you that haven't, let me give you the 411. 
We here in Utah love us some soda.  That's right, there's a large portion of us that aren't alcohol drinkers a.k.a. "The Mormons", so a soda is where it's at.  When we say, "You wanna go get a drink?"  that means, "Let's go get a soda" and we probably also get a cookie.  And if we're feeling really swanky, we go to Swig and get a soda concoction that is above-average (I'm talking a Big Al or a Diet Wild -- don't I sound fancy?  It's like Mormon speak for "I'll take an apple martini with a twist" or something) & again, we almost always take our beverages WITH a cookie... famous pink Swig cookie, or otherwise.
At one point in time, you could ONLY get yourself some Swig magic in the town of St. George, Utah. That's our party town just a couple hours north of Las Vegas and if you wanna sound like you know what you're talking about just go ahead and call it, "The Geezy".

But lately these Swig institutions have been popping up ALL OVER the state.  No lie, it seems there is now a Swig or a Swig wannabe on every corner.  And do you know what that does to me?  Makes me basically quit them - cold turkey is what.
I can't really explain why?  I guess I get ornery about doing something that every one else is doing.  (Harry Potter series?  Yep, I boycotted those babies for at least ten years out of sheer stubbornness)  So there's that.  But also, the "rare treat" factor went right out the window once they opened another dozen locations.  Like, maybe I binged the first few months, but now?  Ehhhh.  I could take or leave a dirty Diet Coke and a famous pink sugar cookie.  Say what????  I know.  And side note, I can't explain why this hasn't happened with other treats (I'm looking at you Carmel Snickers with Almonds) that you can get at every gas station or grocery store in the U.S.  So my theory isn't exactly perfect.

I will say, if you want to try out some of this goodness on you're own and you're not from Utah, you've got to try this lady's recipes for the famous pink sugar cookie (served cold - that's important, I swear) and the more recent famous "Dirt Ball" cookies which she calls the "Swag" cookie & is a chocolate on chocolate concoction.  The frosting on this number tastes like butter and chocolate.  In case you've been living under a rock, Butter + Chocolate = DEE-LISH!  They're worth a try, especially if you can't drive to a local "Drink Institution" like I can, but don't, because, well - see above rant.
Swig or Swag - Take it or Leave it, Babes.
My butt thanks you, Swig, for opening franchises throughout the great Beehive State.


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Yardwork 101...

With the arrival of springtime, comes the dreaded or not so dreaded duty of yard work. I've decided it's a love or hate kinda thing. And me? I kinda love it. There's just something about planting, digging, mowing and watching things grow that gets me. I love seeing the things that I have planted and pruned take shape and beautify my yard. Are you guys on board yet?

And I know it's a lot of work. Like a lot. The weekly mowing, edging, weed pulling, dead heading and more weed pulling that can make you crazy and give up. But don't do it. What? You're gonna let the weeds win? Suck it up, put your cute garden gloves on (a definite must have) and get your garden groove on.

And really only the first month or so is the worst. What with all the prep work like aerating (and who doesn't love the dirt poops flailing around the lawn), fertilizing, limb trimming, digging up what shrubbery the winter killed and then the replanting. After that, it's pretty much smooth sailing with just some minor lawn mowing (which you can tan while win-win) and then an hour or so here and there of weed-control. 

And I practice what I preach. Last week, Nate and I geared up for the start of yard work season. He edged, I mowed. He fixed a broken sprinkler, I dug up 6 shrubs that were either dead or that I was just really tired of. Then we headed out and bought a new tree to replace one that died (which... can I just go off on a tangent and complain about how much a dang tree is..geez you'd think it was almost gold with the prices..this one better not die. I'm tired of spending 100 bucks on a stick with leaves). We added a couple of shrubs and ready...20 bags of the ground covering bark and 70 feet of that weed stopping liner stuff..yes that's the professional name;)

And by ends day, the sun was down and we didn't get time for the weed liner and bark cover. So me.. being the stellar wife that I am, decide to surprise Nate and have it done when he got home from work the next day. I really am that nice;) So I pulled on my big girl pants, filled my water jug to the top and got to work. 

20 bags of bark and 70 feet of weed liner later, I was done and I scored major with the hubs. He was uber excited that he didn't have to come home from work to more yard work. Sometimes it's the little big things guys! 

Now we are officially ready for summer. The yard looks fleek (I really hate that word but look how in the know I am right?) And since all the prep and major work is done, we can sit back, drink our smoothies and watch the kids play til all hours of the night. Can't wait for school to be out and bedtimes to be done;)

Good luck and if you need any help, give me a call...I'll help you learn to love it. Or at least grin and bare it.