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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A Slip Up...

Since Amber talked about the basics in her last post..I decided to add one more item to the "basic" list. And it just may date me and confirm that I am indeed a lady from yesteryear. But ladies..this one is a must have...

It's called a Slip people...
 
Now I know these, along with nylons are practically extinct in today's society. But honestly, not all of us can rock the see-thru butt look. And by "all of us" I mean no one. Not even Lady Gaga. It's just uncomfortable when you see someone standing in a thin skirt that when the sunlight hits just right, you see all of what your mama gave you. Not OK...on a million different levels.
 In Case You Were Wondering That's a See Through Dress  ---- funny pictures hilarious jokes meme humor walmart fails
And really, it's an easy fix. Sure it's another layer that we don't want to bother with. And sure they ride up to just beneath your boobs or fall down to below the skirt hem line. Not to mention the twisting and bunching. But it's just one of those things that comes along with being a girl. So suck it up ladies and dig those puppies out from the back of the sock drawer and put it back into your wardrobe rotation. 

You'll thank me when you are saved from embarrassing, mortifying moments like these girls..who obviously don't have girlfriends who have their backs.
And upon seeing all of these pics, we obviously need to have a "proper underwear fitting" conversation with America. Not all bums are created equal.

XO
Ashley

Monday, April 14, 2014

Back to Basics...

I saw a blog post a while back about basics.  And that got me to thinking, whose to say that my basics should be your basics, should be her basics?  I mean, there is no one-size fits all basic for every girl in the universe is what I'm thinking?  And for sure, my "basics" change with the seasons out of necessity.  So these Pinterest lists of "wardrobe must-haves"... I'm not so sure I'm convinced is what.
I'll be blunt with you.  Button down shirts and my line-backer, gymnast-built shoulders just never, ever provide a flattering look for me.  Not to mention I have a serious aversion to ironing.  And yet, in every fashion magazine you ever read, they'll tell you to have a sleek, white, button down in your closet because it's a total go-to.  I will see your white, but counter with a tee-shirt, because, I always do.

Let's move on to jeans.  I love a boot cut and always will, especially in a dark wash.  But lately, I also love a skinny jean for the simplicity of pairing them with ballet flats, chucks, wedges, sandals, booties (yeah, I said that... I'm a convert and I take back all the malicious bootie comments I ever made) - you name it.  The absence of bulk down there makes the shoe game a win-win-win.  What I don't yet have a testimony of is boyfriend jeans?  Maybe because unlike any boy I've ever met I actually have hips.  It blows, but then I did get this pear shape courtesy of my mama and she rocks it - so I'm learning.  I also dig some mega distressing lately - and I don't think that "distressed skinny jeans" is on the official list of basics anywhere in the world except for right here at mi casa where when paired with a cool vintage t-shirt, some flips, and a top knot I'm pretty much ready to keep pace with my little crew of rowdies.  Don't tell me that top knots are "so yesterday" because I might just curl up in the fetal position and die.  That's how much I love them.
I love baseball shirts more than I love most other things in life.  I go a little gaga for "Mad Men-esque" dresses of the A-line cut these days. I'm a fan of capris and I don't even know if they're in at all this season, or ever will be again, except in my closet.  I never go anywhere without packing my jean jacket because I've only ever met a handful of dresses and get ups it doesn't totally gel with.  And I adore any shade of blue next to my face to bring out my eyes.

And I bet you're thinking - "Not I".  And I get it.  Because, back me up on this one… but it just might be that the little black dress is THE only thing that actually should be on a universal "basics" list.  Fine, I'll give you diamond stud earrings, but that's it, y'all.  After that I must draw the line in the sand.  
So, do tell, what are your basics of late?
And if you're like me and you'd like to declare war on the fashion editors of all my {secretly} favorite magazines and their crazy "basics" lists - Cheers! 
You're in good company.
Or so I tell myself.  :)
XO
Amber

P.S. Our girl Holly was SO right on the Kirkland brand exercise pants.  You guys... they SHOULD be a basic in your workout wardrobe.  Because that shiz stays put on the old waist line no matter the number of miles you run (cough) walk.  Miracle of all miracles I tell you!  Point for team blog in solving that crisis!  :) 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Yard Sale 101...

 LOL! I love the frankness of this yard sale sign.
Listen y'all...I have done my fair share of yard sales. And every time I do it, I swear I'll never do another one again. You know..it's like having another kid. It sounds like a good idea..until you are in the thick of it and there is no going back. It's like a memory trap. God makes you forget about all the hard stuff so you'll do it again. He's a smart one I tell you ;)

And really...I do forget how much work they really are to get ready for. And I get suckered in to it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And really... is a few hundred dollars (if you are lucky) really worth it? That's a negative! 

And I really pride myself in my abilities to de-junk and let go...so I'm usually making weekly donation trips to our local thrift shop. But then I start getting a few bigger items and have a hard time parting with them..knowing I could make a few, easy bucks. Money trap!
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/95/9f/ce/959fce5aed020900af2da8521cd9676b.jpg
So then I get this genius idea to have a garage sale! (I'm shaking my head in disgust right now). Because as I type, my garage is filled with tables, and colored price stickers and lots and lots of junk. I've even convinced a few of my neighbors to join in on this "fun." I know..I'm the devil right? 

But really..there is something to be said of a good find. When you actually come across something in good condition...that's super cheap...that you really do need right? It's the best feeling..like you just won gold in the Olympics or climbed Mt. Everest. And bragging rights  are definitely in order.
May the garage sale odds be ever in your favor.
 So if you are bored this Saturday and you want to add more crap to your house and more money in my pocket. Then head on over..because really, I'm not gonna lie. There is some good stuff. And the old adage is true..Another mans junk..is another mans treasure. And for the last hour, my neighbor and I have been swapping junk. Sighhh...

XO.
Ashley


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Road Trippin...

It goes without saying that road trips are rad. Just the mention of the words "spring break" or "vacation" conjure up the best images and make my lips turn up into a smile.

Wanna know what no one talks about when they tell you stories of their road trips? 
The dark side of road trips also known as the part involving kids.  Dun dun dun....
The constant schlepping. The sleep scenarios gone awry. The tantrums at the pools and the parks and everywhere in between due to the complete abandon of any semblance of routine. The comatose children in the car seats who are sunburned and over-tired and hungry, who you desperately want to have a nap but puh-lease not right now since it's too late, and if you can stave them off for one more hour you'll just lay the little lambs in bed and hope they        make it through the night and not wake up before the butt crack of dawn. The laundry piles     that resemble the great pyramids of Egypt. The five days of nothin' but fishy crackers and       juice boxes and otter pops. 
It's all so universally horrid and perfect that I know you know exactly what these marathon     days feel like because you've been there, done that. And the ironic part is we all keep doing  it and will do it 'til the end of time for those little breaks from routine and the freedom to           explore somewhere new with those little monsters we totally adore and can't imagine your     life without who wreak of sunscreen and stickiness. 
 
You guys. I am in the trenches even as I type. And I'm flying as the solo parental figure which makes me equal parts hero and inflictor of all great injustices. I am going on day three of a   diet solely comprised of diet coke, strawberries, and chocolate that is consumed at one         sitting each night when those kids are blessedly asleep. I haven't washed my hair once         because on day one I had no intention of getting into the pool but then I had to jump in rookie            lifegaurd style to save a kid sans floaters and now what's the point since the same      scenario will repeat itself a dozen more times in the next few days intermixed with some         running, some sunscreen, and another chlorinated splash park, and, well, I've embraced the trucker hat one hundred percent. The fact that I am about to lower myself to swimsuit and      coverup status for the rest of said road trip means I am completely immersed because what's the point in primping and getting ready? It's spring break after all... Time to stop and smell the roses or something like that.
 
Bottom line, if you run into me in delightful Dixie just turn and walk in the opposite direction.   It's all good. No hard feelings. Because with certainty, I'll be the chick holding a flailing little man who doesn't want to leave the carousel who is pulling her hat down further over her       greasy hair to remain anonymous while luring the other two closer to the car with lollipops     like a crazy person.
God bless us, every one. Face with stuck-out tongue and winking eye And happy road trippin' to you and you and you!
 
Xo
Amber


Monday, April 7, 2014

Shopping 101...

Boys just don't get it...I'm not sure they ever will. I compare it to my lack of understanding on how they somehow think it's fun to get up at the butt crack of dawn in the freezing cold to go shoot animals or find their antlers ("sheds" if you are in the know). Yep..it's just one of those innate,primal, boy/girl differences I guess?

 Black Friday shopping humor

Shopping is my cardio!

And this past weekend, I got to get out of dodge and into the "city" where I found comfort and smiles in all of my shopping staples. Target, TJMaxx, Costco...you know..all those great places that most small towns lack? And it was a little bit o' heaven. No kiddos, no hubs (looking over your shoulder at every penny you spend..you know what I'm talkin about) Just my adorable mother-in-law, an entire day to ourselves and a list of stuff to buy and places to hit. And the day did not disappoint. We hit all the oldies and even tried a few new places. Some great..some a total blow. I even turned her on to the strawberries and cream frappuccino at Starbucks. Which if you have not tried..I'm sorry you have been missing out. Get there ASAP.  Life changing I tell you..

And it's like therapy for me. Every couple of months, the shopping itch starts and it needs a good scratch. A change of pace..a day of doing something different. Just to be me. It's like a big sigh of relief and relaxation ..even tho it's not "that" kind of relaxing. Shopping is hard work...am I right ladies?  All that walking and decision making. It takes focus and lots of mental concentration. The boys don't get it and they never can keep up. They are almost as bad as taking the kids..maybe worse? Yes..definitely worse.

 Shopping with kids is like trying to concentrate on 150 things at once while someone hits you over the head with a hammer.

But listen ladies...if ever there is a marathon I can do..it's a shopping one. I gear up with my list, my coupons, a candy bar in the purse for that extra mile that seems impossible, and a smoothie from Costco. It's pretty much an indestructible combination.

And then I come home to face kids asking me what surprise I brought them? (What is with that anyways?) And an amazing husband who held down the (messy but still standing) fort and even fed the kids ramen and quesadillas. I know right? Pretty impressive! And then my rejuvenated little heart can continue onward for another few months until the itch starts up again...

Funny Somewhat Topical Ecard: 'I have enough clothes and shoes, I don't need to go shopping', said no woman ever.

XO
Ash



Friday, April 4, 2014

Of Spring Time and Sargents...


Last week I found out a secret.  One my Mama had been holding close to her chest.  One that rocked my world.
Turns out my Mom's been dating "The Sarge" on the side.

Don't panic.  I shall explain...

Holy freak, that woman has a Sargent Steamer and never even told me!?
The betrayal stung a wee bit to say the least.

So, there I was, bent over the baseboards of my house in my typical Spring Cleaning fever, and I mentioned my labors to her on the phone and out came the truth - just like that.  I immediately stood, stomped my foot, and huffed like my two-year-old does when he recognizes one of the world's great injustices, and I said in a bit of a whiny voice, "Puh-LEASE let me borrow it!  Purty please?!"
You guys, I don't even know how to tell you how much that dang thing has changed my life without just sounding like a pathetic Sargent Steam infomercial - so I won't even try.  But I will tell you something that even the infomercial won't mention… that little red devil will steam your pores and give you the best darn facial you'll ever have in your own home.  I guaran-damn-tee it.

There is something ridiculously motivating to me about doing tasks that give me an immediate visual result.  Think vacuum lines -- which have the magical power of restoring order to my home even in its most disheveled state.  Or crop circles in the lawn from an afternoon spent mowing… those darn patterns bring me pride in my yard even if the flowers are dying.  It's kind of rad.  So you better believe that watching dust and gunk melt off of my baseboards right before my very eyes while using a super cleaning power tool of sorts is basically the best kind of spring cleaning therapy you could ever imagine.  And the cold air returns?  Fuh-get-about-it.  The old Sarge has brought a euphoric sense of accomplishment that kind of makes me feel like Rosie the Riveter (without the head kerchief because Mama looks no bueno sporting one of those babies).
For two whole days since receiving this little gem that I totally want to steal, I've been all in.  I let the kids run wild.  I lost the dog (due to the kids, who opened the gates and invited the entire hood in but let the dog out).  I didn't make a square meal, but I did feed a small army of children basically all the contents of our pantry.  It's been mass chaos out there while I try to make everything sparkle in here.
And guess what?  I'd do it again.

Because holy moly - the bathrooms.  Y'all, you could eat off of the toilet.  No joke.

Once I get past this all-encompassing Spring Cleaning/Sargent Steaming phase things will be pretty much Donna Reed-ish and I'll probably wear my pearls and host a dinner party.  
OK, I kid, but really, I'll have you over for pizza and ice-cream… but only IF you come, like, this week, since things go south fast around here with four boys.  And will you promise to comment on my uber-sparkly surroundings?  Because what's a good spring cleaning binge for, if not for a pat on the back from a gal who gets it?

I get it, girls and boys.  I REALLY get it.
Pats on the back all around.  Fist bumps.  Butt Slaps.  High Fives.
You're lean, mean, spring cleaning machines out there and you know it!
:)
.XO.
Amber

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Make-Up Mayhem...

Is it me, or are you all overwhelmed by the amount of beauty products on the market? I mean how many eyeshadow colors do we need? It's all so complicated. I get so intimidated by the shades and cremes and liners and blushes. And then even if you can pick the right shade (which never really goes on as the color it looks) then you have to be an artist in applying it. And my art repertoire consists of stick figures. 

And to make matters worse..just when you find the perfect combination of foundation and blush..after countless attempts of trial and error. Your fave product is somehow discontinued or conveniently "out of stock" for...like...ever.

Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain, $7.49 from Target | 41 Beauty Products That "Really Work," According To Pinterest

So about 5 years ago, my 10 year high school reunion was approaching and so I did what any vain, wanna-be-the-cute-girl-after-10-years girl would do. I grabbed Amber and we went to Macy's where we had a full-on make-up makeover slash teaching moment. And that's where I learned the "C" application of eyeshadow. Which is really the only legit thing I know about make-up application. You know...where you take the the darker shadow...the one used for the crease in your eyelid?  Then move your brush in a "C" motion upward in the crease line. Are you more confused than ever? Me too.

So after about an hour or so and a $100 dollar purchase (listen we were goin for broke on the hopes we could look killer for the big shin-dig) we headed out to finish our shopping and show off our new looks. And if I'm being totally honest. I still have about 3 of the eyeshadows left. Maybe I need to revisit our hoarding week posts. But at $12 bucks a pop..it's not so easy to throw away ;)

So what I'm getting at, is that when it comes to applying all the products it takes to make us gals feel pretty, is that you either got it..or you don't. And I for one..just plain don't. Oh sure..I can get by. But I kid you not..the other day I was trying out a new eyeshadow set I had just bought. I knew it was gonna be "the one" until not one but two of my girls asked me why my eyes were so glittery. Yep..chalk that one up to a fail. Geez, I obviously learned nada from those Macy gals.
beauty humor
So if you have any great tutorials or websites that are actually helpful to the beauty challenged like myself...please do tell. Until then, I'll keep practicing my highlighting and brow shaping. 

XO.
Ash